A Daughter's Worry

My daughter refused to go to school the other day. She is only 5 year old going to a kindi which teaches using the Montessori method. When I asked her why (it is a three-hour per day class, anyway) she told me with a frown so big spoiling her otherwise smooth forehead giving the impression of shouldering the worries of the world, "I can't catch up with the others - I just could not find all the shells which the teacher asked us to count in the picture given to me". For a moment it startled me. Since I do not know the real situation which sum up to this conclusion of hers, I repress my comment. After all, I have been trying to instil in my children not to be judgmental. So, I just kissed both her cheeks, hugged her and told her that she will not know what she will miss if she didn't turn up at school that day. With that I took her hand in mine and walked to her school (only about 2 - 3 minutes walk away).

Since we are still early and the teacher is quite free I told her about my daughter's worry. She laughed and she told me "Your daughter is doing fine. But she is a perfectionist. It worries her when what she did is not similar with the others, or when what she arrived at is different from her friends." I left not knowing whether I should feel relieved or otherwise. Should I be relieved when my five-year old wanted to be a perfectionist? Shouldn't she be enjoying her much too young age? Shouldn't she just be a child without worries about being competitive? At that age, she shouldn't be pushing herself too hard. Then, I tried to do some self-searching - am I involved in moulding her into thinking that she has to be the best? is there anytime when we are together that what I may have said became the impetus of making her think that she has to push herself harder each time? If I did then I have to re-do it now and soon. Though I can't think of any situation which may lead to this perception of hers, I can't help feeling sorry for her.

All I want is for her to enjoy her childhood. To have sweet memories of happy moments with her doting parents who love her sooo... very much. To not think of striving to be the best,... yet. In short, to enjoy being a five year old. Though she could not get everything she wants, she has a very loving and supportive home (we are just normal parents - she does get the scolding when she's over the board). She has parents whom she can always talk to with just about anything and everything, parents who do not judge her, parents who embrace her no matter she can count shells correctly or not, parents who celebrate her joys and grieved through her sadness.

Today, I am going to tell her that she is such a wonderful daughter regardless of what she may have felt about herself and that her parents love her oodles & oodles & oodles & oodles.......