Friday, February 28, 2014

On Being Parents

I am sure most of us are aware of the couple being charged with abusing their children in Sweden. Since, a lot of positive and negative reactions were given either through the formal or informal channels. Well, I am not going to make any comments on that for I do not know them personally and I think it is very unfair for those who do not know them to make any comments especially negative ones. We do not know what happened exactly. But what I believed is, at this crucial moment the couple and their children need our prayers for the best outcome. Anyway, who are we to judge?

It is not easy being parents. I know for sure as I am one. All parents wanted the best for their children. Wanted them to be perfect, almost - at times forgetting that they are also human who make mistakes. But let us all be real. We can only do the best we could and the rest is up to them. We cannot protect them at all times and we cannot expect them to be the angels we wish them to be for they are not.

I do not believe in caning. Excuse my limited knowledge but through what I learned, Islam approved of cane to be a symbol in disciplining the children and not to be used if possible. Even when it has to be used it must be with the gentle stroke in areas which will not inflict pain. Islam never teaches its followers to resort to violence. It saddened me when islam approval of caning when children refused to pray at the age of ten were seen as barbaric by others who do not really understand the principle behind it.

One article contributed by Prof. Muhammad Hashim Kamali awhile ago caught my interest. He mentioned that "Abu'l Hasan al-Qabisi (an author, d. 1012), wrote that the best approach to discipline was to communicate with the child, with kindness and concern, in an effort to identify the causes of the issue and try to appeal to the child's understanding. For the child, despite his immaturity, is a human endowed with the gift of reason and the ability to know the causes of things. One should not mix anger and emotion in the decision to cane".

Wallahua'lam.


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Saturday, February 8, 2014

On a mission....





We sent Danish to his new school on Feb. 5, 2014. Mia and Aqil refused to go to school that day to send their beloved brother. I tried to be very brave and tried harder not to cry in front of him (though I must admit I was teary on the way home).

Home is never the same again. There's somehow a feeling of emptiness - a space too much. I hope the feeling will ease away bit by bit as I know he will be alright. He wanted to go to boarding school. He wants to be independent. And Alhamdulillah he secured a place in a very good school.

Though I know the chance is slim for him to call that night, I secretly waited for his call. It never came. Gladly he called on the following night at around 11. I was already going to sleep.

"Danish?"

"Salam Ibu. Thank you for picking up the phone. I don't have much time, Ibu. Just to let you know I'm fine. I've made a few friends and the Form 5 seniors are kind too."

"Ok Darling. I am glad you are ok. I've been waiting for your call."

"I know Ibu. But don't worry. I like this school, Ibu. Ibu, I can go out this Saturday."

"Alright Darling. We'll be there after Baba finished work, ok? What time can we pick you up?"

"After 12.00 until 6.00, Ibu."

"Ok Darling. We'll see you then. Anything you need from here?"

"Just your prayers, Ibu. Ok Ibu, I have to go now. I love you."

"I love you very much. Take care." And the line went off.

Last night he called saying that there was a change of plan. He was not allowed to go out but we can visit him at school. So today, we will go visit him. I want to see for myself that he truly is settling down alright.

Happy Saturday everyone.




Friday, January 17, 2014

Leaving the nest...




Danish was offered a place at one of the residential schools. He was happy as he managed to get a place at the school which he applied for. I was happy for him though deep in me it is quite difficult for me to let him go. He's my son. My eldest. The one who spent the longest beside me. But as I promised myself, I have to learn to let him go. He has to spread his wings like my Mum let me. Well,... Maybe my Mum is stronger.




Last night after we came back from the Surau, we talked about the offer again.

"Ibu, I am going to accept the offer."

"You sure? You don't want to wait for MRSM?"

"It's alright Ibu. I think I am going for this one."

"Ok Darling."

And he clicked the "yes" button. Appeared the links to the Offer Letter and the Offer Book.

We went through them.




"I am gonna miss you." I told him.

"I am gonna miss you too, Ibu." And he hugged me - well, our family is full of hugs and kisses. "And thank you for letting me go."

"I have too Darling. I have too." No matter how difficult it feels. At this moment I realised how true it was when someone told me "you will always have a special closeness to your eldest".

It is still another three weeks before he registered. I am not going to think about it now. I want to enjoy us being a "complete" family. I am sure to miss him knocking at my door at around 2.45 p.m. "I am home, Ibu" or receiving his calls telling me he is going to stay back to complete his work or simply to drop by at his friend's Farouk's place. Farouk was also offered a place at a residential school too but his is further away, in Hulu Terengganu. In a very short time, I will no longer received any call, "Auntie, can I speak to Danish, please?" I am going to miss them.

Looks like I have to be brave now. I know I will be a little "lost" when he left. But I know he will be alright. How could he not when he has all the prayers, blessings and love that he needs?

Happy Friday everyone and a good long weekends.


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Monday, January 13, 2014

Exactly?!





Well, we are into the third week of January now. Time does fly. This time last year I was still in London, working my bones. And I was quite excited that after changing and re-changing my topic for my PhD application (which involved changes in topics, then changes in the problem statements), I finally completed my proposal to my satisfaction (those evaluating it may not, mind you!). It's application time now... But that's alright...




Three members of my family have their birthdays a week apart in January and February - Aqil on Jan 27, Mia on Feb 2 and their father on Feb 9. Four days back, Aqil told me that he wanted a tablet for his birthday - "a cheap one will do, Ibu". So I told him I will let his Baba knows and see what he will say. Aqil was ok with that and he went and browsed the internet for "cheapest tablet in Malaysia". "Ibu, the cheapest is RM169. Tell Baba ok?"

Well, somehow I didn't quite remember until Aqil reminded me Saturday night.

We attended our friend's son's birthday party that day in Semenyih (about 54km away from where we stay). It is more like birthday party for our children and a mini gathering for us who once lived in Dundee. There were also a family who just came back 2 weeks ago. Such, it was a merry gathering and when we left, it was already well into midnight.

I was already asleep, when I felt someone was touching my shoulder.
I reluctantly opened my eyes (part of them, that is).

"Ibu...." It's Aqil whispering.

"Hmmm...?"

"Have you asked Baba?" He whispered slightly louder.

I was like... Exactly?!!! "What time is it?" I managed to ask.

He left my side and came back with my mobile.

God! This is real? My son asking me if I have asked his father of his birthday gift at 2.20 in the morning?! But, what can I do? Perhaps he's still excited from the party he had just attended.

"I haven't Darling. I have forgotten. I am sorry, ok? I will ask him tomorrow."

"Ok Ibu. Thank you. I love you." He said still whispering.

Well, that was not the only time I was awakened very early in the morning. The other time, it was Hakim.

I remember that I was also very tired that night. I haven't slept for long (I think) when I heard a voice "Bu, Ibu.."

"Hmmm...."

"Bu, Liverpool won against Tottenham..."

Well, that's my children for you. And last night I think I also heard him came into our room and said to me.."Liverpool won, Ibu.... against Stoke.."

Well.....

Happy MaulidurRasul and Holiday :)


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Thursday, December 26, 2013

My Dear Aqil

Aqil gained weight since we came back. Not just a bit but a lot. From a skinny curly haired boy to a .... well, how should I put it in the most subtle manner... Hmm... how about a little ... maybe the following pictures can help.







We're not really sure how it started. Suddenly he became bigger - bloating? Well, I started checking his weight/height statistic to ensure that he is not obese. Gladly he is not.

But what I am going to tell you is not about him being obese. All the while I thought only his Dad and I are worried about his weight. How wrong I was. What I heard yesterday opened my eyes that the 'Aqil's problem' is a family concern.

Damia : Aqil, you shouldn't be hungry again. We have just eaten.

Aqil : But I am hungry...

Damia : You are growing fatter and fatter Aqil. You have to control eating.

Baba : You should fast tomorrow.

Damia : If you do not want to fast, you should go jogging, do some exercises

Aqil : (quiet)

Damia : You should be able to run at least once around the house. But look at
you, you can't even run or exercise for 5 minutes when I asked you...

Oh Dear, I didn't realised that Mia is so worried about his brother until yesterday.

Something surely need to be done about Aqil.



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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Setting It!

Since early this week, I was feeling unsettled. I tried to do my work but my mind wanders elsewhere. I am not always like this. Ooh...! The agony of waiting!

Some time in August this year I wrote an entry on how worried Danish is about sitting for PMR. To be honest, I worried more than he does. Once it was made known that the result will be out on December 19, I had butterflies in my stomach...

There's nothing else we can do. It was over and done with. For sure the result will be parallel to the amount of work put into it - simple logic. Of course with the AlMighty's Blessings.

So, on the way to school to fetch his result this morning, I suddenly felt a little emotional - hmmm... I remembered how hard he works for his exams, I cannot bear thinking of how disappointed he will be if his result is not as he had hoped for. So, I told him, "Danish, just remember one thing. Whatever the result is, we still love you so... much. Don't you ever think that we will be disappointed or sad, ok? (What can we expect when he has so little time to prepare..)".

"Yes Danish. We love you so... much." His father chipped in.

So, when the Headmistress was saying, "35 getting straight As this year. 23 last year". I was like, "ok..." I don't even dare to have a slightest hope! I felt so.. much for my son.

Then, all us parents were invited into the Hall. The Headmistress will be announcing the 35 names. I sat quietly in my corner. Just glad when names after names was announced. I was thinking how happy the student and parents might be. As for me... I will keep to my corner.

"Ibu, there's only two more names." said Damia when suddenly I heard his name announced.

Nothing can describe how I felt at that moment. I was elated all the while thanking the AlMighty. I looked for my husband. I can see tears coming down. We hugged each other, very thankful and at the same time glad for Danish.

Congratulations my Darling! You have set a benchmark for your brothers and sister. Hopefully they will follow your footsteps.











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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Aqil's Story

Among all my children, Aqil is the one who would want to achieve something at school and to get a gift from his effort. He always want to be something. Since he knew about a position called class monitor, asst. class monitor and prefect, he wanted to be them all. The other day, when he was at my Mum's place he found my name tag - Yeap! My prefect name tag when I was at school many moons ago (that long???!) - he was like "What? You are a prefect? How come you never tell me about this before?" As if I owe it to him to tell him everything! "I don't have to tell you everything..." I said. "But this is different! You are a Prefect!" - like it is the only thing that matters - he must be kidding me!

"How did you get to be a prefect?"

Oh c'mon! Is he real? I am sometimes amazed with my own kids!

"The teachers chose us. Then the whole school voted. That's how."

"Are they going to do the same at my school?"

"I think each school has its own way of choosing their prefects. Anyway, I don't think there will be any elected from Year 2. (He is going to be in Year 2 this coming school year).

"When can I be a prefect?" Now I almost feel it for him. I think he is going to make it a mission now.

"Maybe until you are in Year 4 or 5?"

"That's a long way yet."

"Yes Darling. Perhaps you just try your best to be a good student first."

That kept him quiet for a bit.

"How come you only put Danish's story in your blog? I received a gift too this year. From school."

Ok Sweetheart. I am putting yours now.